The Secret
by MORIBUNDx
Summary: Leo has a secret, one he's never told. But it's killing him inside, and he finally thinks it's time.


They call me Mr. Perfect. The running joke is that I can do no wrong. But no one is perfect, and no one knows the secret I've been carrying with me all these years.

It was a chilly spring evening. Mikey, Raph, Don and I were fooling around in an abandoned car park. We sang songs and laughed without restraint, shadows dancing against the thick cement walls, cast by candlelight. We doodled with what little chalk we had; played tag and jumped rope.

We were young—young and new to the world. Maybe we weren't ready to be topside by ourselves yet. But we fought tooth and nail for even a taste of freedom and finally Splinter relented. We would wait in a designated area while he sought out food and supplies, and were to return to the sewer if there was any sign of trouble.

We were playing hide and seek before I made the discovery. The rule was we weren't supposed to leave the main floor, but I had a feeling Mikey might have. If he had, no one would find him for sure, and I wasn't ready to give up title of Best Seeker Ever. After I recovered Raph and Donnie, they both agreed that Mikey was probably cheating. Determined to find him, the three of us split up and started searching.

I walked the incline until I saw the sign that read **2ND** **FLOOR** , picked a random direction, and began searching. It was dark without the candle, though the moon and street lamps provided some light. I could see thick faded lines as far as the eye could see. They eventually all disappeared into the blackness, and I followed. Eventually I saw a big metal shopping cart, filled to the brim with plastic bags and other odds and ends. Then I spotted a pile of collapsed cardboard boxes. And then I saw him.

There against the cold cement wall was an adult man, curled up tight, eyes shut. I could only see his bottom half, but he was wearing dirty black jeans, heavy boots, and a thick green coat. I think I could just make out red fingerless gloves, but I can't be sure now.

I froze. Instinct urged me to sink into the shadows, gather my brothers, and leave. My insides turned to ice and I couldn't move. I held my breath and waited for what felt like hours, but the man just slept. I took a step back, and another. As long as he stayed asleep, I was safe.

It wasn't until a moonbeam captured his face did I truly understand.

He was pale—I didn't have much for reference but something about it was alarming and wrong—with skin that looked damp and waxy. Purple and green lines shot across his face, like lightning bolts. His blue lips and sunken in eyelids and absolute stillness chilled me to the bone.

I turned and ran as fast as I could, my stomach feeling heavy and sick and my heart slamming in my chest. It's funny, I can't remember what I was thinking at that second, but I remember how loudly my bare feet were on that cold hard ground. By the time I found everyone (Donnie had found Mikey), I urged them to simply sit and wait for Splinter. No more games. Raph complained loudly but obeyed and stayed put. Looking back, Mikey probably thought I was mad at him. I doubt he remembers that night though. For him it was fairly uneventful.

Me, though... I never told them about the man, not even Master Splinter. Later, I even suggested to him that he was right, and we weren't ready to be on our own topside. I can remember the crushing weight of his gaze on me, but I also remember him not pressing me for details, and when he broke the news to Mikey, Donnie and Raph, he never told them why he made the decision. I've always been immensely grateful for that. They'd kill me if they knew _I_ was the reason.

Days turned to weeks, which then turned to months and finally years.

At first, I think I didn't say anything simply because I was afraid. I was afraid if I told, Splinter would be disappointed in me for going to the second floor. Then I was ashamed. Deeply ashamed. There should have been no hesitation to tell someone, but I was a child. I still _am_ a child. And I'll never be perfect.

I stare down at the phone in my trembling hand. It is late night and I can't sleep.

Our 15th year will soon be here, and my chest is heavy and my heart is full. I'm still terrified when I think back to that night, but mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. For so many years I buried that grey face away and pretended he didn't exist. But he did exist, and when I think of one of my brothers dead somewhere alone and forgotten, my head spins. I don't know why or how I've kept this secret for so long, but I can't do it anymore. The guilt is eating me alive, and at this point I don't know if anything I do will stop it. Even if he's already been discovered, I need to do this; I owe it to that man, and I need to save my sanity.

My mouth feels as if it's full of sand as I dial the number and wait. The line connects and suddenly I can hear and feel my heartbeat in my face. I lower my voice, praying my family doesn't overhear me. Praying I can rid myself of this feeling.

"I want to report a body."


End file.
